I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
