I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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