Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
