I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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