Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
