he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
