Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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