The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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