More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Who died my cat blue again?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
