I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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