bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
