Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
