And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
