piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I deserve this hangover.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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