I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
