im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
