I'm eating all of the evidence.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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