Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
