i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
