Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
