dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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