So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
