Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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