So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
