I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
