I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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