well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
