My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
foreskin is a definite game changer
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
