I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
