She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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