o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
