I hope mine doesn't look like that
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
