just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
