8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
