Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
