okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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