i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize