Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
