I got chris browned last night
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My vagina is officially offended.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
