Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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