I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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