I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How naked do you want me to be?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
