Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
