Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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