you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
