summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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