i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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