Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize