I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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