sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
