Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
