There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
