That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
