so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Randomize
