Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so let's talk penis.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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