Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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