I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
