I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
