there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
