Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Still dying that you shit outside
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
