When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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