If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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