Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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