we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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