Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bring me that man meat
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
