I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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