New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
