____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm passing your future prison.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
