You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
