When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize