I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize