The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
