gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
