btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
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Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
