Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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