so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
