so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
